Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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