I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
