I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
