So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My cat gives me a boner
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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