You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
