Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You smell like stripper and shame
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Loading more great texts...