Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
