i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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