its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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