anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
