Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
