Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
