I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
