highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
