I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
