as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
