what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The adults are the big ones right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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