dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
