So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
