I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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