a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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