You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
