i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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