My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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