He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
