Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
