Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
