Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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