Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
