well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
