Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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