She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
