Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
