it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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