So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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