you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
