Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
