so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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