you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
