Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
