I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
