But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
