Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
