do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
