Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
