My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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