I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
