Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
