I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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