just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
