I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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