the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
