the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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