If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
