Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
