I skipped work to stalk him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
