fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know her cup size but not her name....
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