you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
