apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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