it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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