Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
