Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
