I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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