I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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