so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
