Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
