I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
