she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
