i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
