Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
