I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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