At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize