make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
