He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
