I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
