and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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