he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
