I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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