Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.