forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor