Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.

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  (248): I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight. http://tfl.nu/uwp5
  Replies (24) Good night (3598) Bad night (1067)
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  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

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  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (30497) Bad night (1291)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?

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  (254): Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way? http://tfl.nu/etox
  Replies (24) Good night (5087) Bad night (935)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

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  (508): I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that http://tfl.nu/gfaw
  Replies (24) Good night (4007) Bad night (1752)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments

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  (954): It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments http://tfl.nu/zq97
  Replies (15) Good night (4371) Bad night (1350)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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  (412): You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy? http://tfl.nu/p3a3
  Replies (9) Good night (4009) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.

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  (337): When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/007t
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (822)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups

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  (610): Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups http://tfl.nu/eisr
  Replies (1) Good night (366) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I reek of latex and grilled onions.

  (626): View more from California

  Mission accomplished.

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  (626): I reek of latex and grilled onions. (626): Mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/k1oy
  Replies (4) Good night (648) Bad night (435)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.

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  (910): Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music. http://tfl.nu/9l8h
  Replies (8) Good night (1208) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding

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  (416): Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding http://tfl.nu/gcol
  Replies (0) Good night (374) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Maybe

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  (843): Bring a bathing suit and your good liver. (1-843): My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice? (843): Maybe http://tfl.nu/53dg
  Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.

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  (804): My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost. http://tfl.nu/72vv
  Replies (1) Good night (307) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.

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  (360): Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go. http://tfl.nu/fovd
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks

  (310): View more from California

  Like what do you want from me

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  (310): I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks (310): Like what do you want from me http://tfl.nu/m7w4
  Replies (4) Good night (510) Bad night (228)

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