Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  dude did u upper deck my toilet?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  haha like two months ago

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u

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  (314): dude did u upper deck my toilet? (1-314): haha like two months ago (314): i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u http://tfl.nu/8xxw
  Replies (38) Good night (1035) Bad night (4400)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?

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  (802): Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit? http://tfl.nu/yu0u
  Replies (26) Good night (4290) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.

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  (250): Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/w09f
  Replies (36) Good night (916) Bad night (8629)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.

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  (314): i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out. http://tfl.nu/zite
  Replies (19) Good night (4786) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

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  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (6270) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?

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  (317): What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/ssbm
  Replies (15) Good night (1300) Bad night (4576)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

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  (360): I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jli8
  Replies (55) Good night (1361) Bad night (9978)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?

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  (845): I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right? http://tfl.nu/k79j
  Replies (2) Good night (3256) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move

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  (216): The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move http://tfl.nu/h1eb
  Replies (26) Good night (3182) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me

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  (217): i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me http://tfl.nu/3gz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1412) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"

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  (214): After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever" http://tfl.nu/g6zr
  Replies (8) Good night (1488) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.

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  (330): GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP. http://tfl.nu/8n34
  Replies (11) Good night (2044) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.

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  (239): Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows. http://tfl.nu/ni5n
  Replies (7) Good night (639) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too

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  (601): I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too http://tfl.nu/lcoq
  Replies (2) Good night (932) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.

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  (+61): I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake. http://tfl.nu/feta
  Replies (1) Good night (400) Bad night (422)

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