I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
please come you make the beer taste better
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her