Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
  Replies (25) Good night (2849) Bad night (877)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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  (970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now http://tfl.nu/72p0
  Replies (7) Good night (982) Bad night (1982)
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  (323): View more from California

  how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

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  (323): how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs. http://tfl.nu/c8lq
  Replies (9) Good night (2241) Bad night (934)
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  (650): View more from California

  barbara walters just said penis...

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  (650): barbara walters just said penis... http://tfl.nu/ninz
  Replies (10) Good night (2870) Bad night (939)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha

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  (717): I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha http://tfl.nu/f9u5
  Replies (40) Good night (4404) Bad night (895)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

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  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (8381) Bad night (1094)
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  (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

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  (213): dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring. http://tfl.nu/vd81
  Replies (14) Good night (4559) Bad night (1378)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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  (401): I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails. http://tfl.nu/8vyo
  Replies (10) Good night (3987) Bad night (1583)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

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  (540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih
  Replies (24) Good night (1363) Bad night (4047)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either

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  (620): new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either http://tfl.nu/a5gg
  Replies (3) Good night (2226) Bad night (922)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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  (917): Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree. http://tfl.nu/ljt4
  Replies (16) Good night (2998) Bad night (1671)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.

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  (757): I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet. http://tfl.nu/keov
  Replies (8) Good night (925) Bad night (1336)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian

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  (204): Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian http://tfl.nu/540t
  Replies (8) Good night (514) Bad night (1728)
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  (714): View more from California

  I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave

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  (714): I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave http://tfl.nu/1l7t
  Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (289)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year

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  (208): I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year http://tfl.nu/kbnc
  Replies (0) Good night (184) Bad night (164)

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