What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
