I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
