Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down