I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I chose taco bell over sex...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket