Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I'm glad girls dont get visible erections

(617): View more from Massachusetts

But, it would have made life so much easier...

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My cat gives me a boner

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(856): View more from New Jersey

You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

(260): View more from Indiana

He probs deserved it.

(317): View more from Indiana

Every good man does.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

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(409): View more from Texas

i wish i coudl send you meat via computure

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."

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