Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.